Today, as I was wrapping Christmas presents, for seemingly the entire world, I glanced over at the bottom drawer of Drew's desk, that had been cracked open for weeks now, neither of us eager to figure out the block behind. Agitated at the world due to some odd shaped gift that had me swearing that next year everything WILL be shaped perfectly, OR ELSE... I decided today would be the day that I set whatever was trapped behind the drawer free. Little did I realize that I would waste an hour or more reminiscing about the nearly four year relationship with the love of my life, with a love stupid smile, falling deeper with every page, card, or picture that we had thrown in the desk drawer over the years; It seems as if it had finally decided to overflow.

As I reached behind and caught my arm on the desk, I pulled out a few things, a couple leftover prom pictures, first anniversary card, and a note that I had written, describing the things I learned in school that day, of course a large portion of the middle was dedicated to the "I love you" phrase written over and over, all over the page were "notes for the mortal." I had to give a side-smile to myself, and wonder, why did he keep this? The card I had given him for our first anniversary was a musical thing that terrified me when I opened it, the card itself was a disgusting green, with barbecued wings on a plate, nothing that would signify an anniversary. In fact, the message read: They gave their lives so that we might celebrate, let us dance to thier memory; And of course it played the chicken dance song. The message I enclosed was very deep, (sarcastically, I might add.):

Hey Honey,
Betcha' wanted one of those lame mushy cards, eh? Hah. =)
I love you so much, you're my everything. Barf. Kidding. Wanna
kick my butt at halo now? For Old times sake? LOVE YOU!<3

PS here's money for Wild Wings, next time.

Remember that one, Drew? =)

The worst part of it is that I had to remember why I would even write such a silly little enclosure. I felt horrible when I did remember. Drew asked me to be his girlfriend, after he totally pissed me off while playing Halo 2, and we used to go to Buffalo Wild Wings, constantly. How could I have forgotten? That's a huge part of us. As I moved on through the receipts, and bills, and other that had also fallen, I stumbled upon a movie ticket to, what I believe was the first movie we saw together, Pirates of Caribbean 2. I also found our second and third year anniversary cards a few notes, and a handheld video game. I was disappointed to find that the cards and notes progressed further and further away from the girl I was at the beginning. It's as if the girl I used to be was gradually shoved into a drawer, and fell behind, trapped.

It's not that I dislike who I am, it's that I just experienced in an hour, three years of growing up. Growing up. Don't you hate that word? It's like remembering the summer days I used to spend playing with ninja turtle action figures, Hotwheels, Power Rangers, riding my bike, not having much of a care in the world, but every day I was getting older, and I didn't know it, until I turned 18, and realized that I was legally an adult. I used to feel and think youthfully, but that didn't get me very far as an adult. I realize that I am not by any means "old." But it's the thought that lays in my mind always, that I am just growing up, nonstop, uncontrollably flying through my life; it doesn't seem like it's going to be long before I am.

I guess I just realized that five more years from now, I could be looking at more memories, memories that have yet to be made. Or even 50 years from now, If I'm lucky, I'll have grandchildren, and I'll be remembering my own children, when they were young. Absolutely insane.

But as depressing as it sounds, I was so happy looking back on the silly notes that helped build our relationship together, Drew. And I intend to make many more years of memories with you, so that I can always wear that "stupid in love" gaze that you seem to make magically appear when you're around. I love you.